Self Preservations, That’s All

It’s difficult to change routine.

I am not feeling the same thrill I used to a few months back.

It isn’t writer’s block. No, I won’t call it that. Writer’s block is when you can’t put your words on to paper. I do not struggle with that.

I struggle with the desire to do it. Before I even start, I end up imagining how the write-up will end up looking like. And I make myself believe I have written a hundred things like that.

There isn’t anything wrong with that. Not to my knowledge. The difficult part is making peace with the fact I put it on a blog.

Seasons Of Life

As promised, here we are.

Shall we do introductions, or straight dive in the conflict? Why are we even bothering, we all know what I am going to do.

There is a hindi proverb (I’m Indian after all, though people have their doubts).

“Waqt se pehle aur kismat se zyada kisi ko kuch nahi milta.”

The closest English translation would be, “No one gets anything more, or before time, than what is written in their fate.”

Hey don’t look at me, my hindi is horrible. Like I said, people have their doubts.

I won’t agree with the fate part, but I do agree with the part about time. Unless you do your due diligence, you’ll never achieve the results you wish to achieve.

I’m a biochemist so I can only talk from that point of view. Unless I did my masters, unless I performed necessary experiments, unless I developed the skills required for an immunologist, I wouldn’t have been able to do justification to my PhD.

You see how I didn’t use the term I couldn’t have been able to get into PhD? Sadly, these days almost anyone can get into a PhD program in India. Believe me, I’m not joking. And before I end up sounding like a bitter jealous scholar, let’s drop the matter there.

See, I’m a nerd, that’s who I am, so I’ll always talk about science. But the truth of time will hold true. Always, and everywhere.

Can you get into a six figure paying job unless you do your due diligence? Unless you suffer for years? Actually suffer is too strong a word. Let’s say, unless you sweat for years developing your skills.

That’d be more in layman terms.

There are phases for everything. Life teaches us all different lessons. There aren’t any good or bad lessons, just different lessons.

Everything teaches us something. Everything has its season.

**

Via Daily Prompt: Loophole

What To Write When You Don’t Know What To Write

Tailor-made fiction or writing what you know? That’s one debate I had been having with myself for last ten months.

And I’m sorry to say but there is still no consensus view on which my mind agrees.

Maybe the critic in me is just a dick with very high standards, you never know. I write well when I don’t think, the moment I think I become too critical to write.

I Know, I know, it sounds strange.

Now from what I’ve read, it seems like I might have been wrong. Analysis by paralysis is just too common.

#11 Steps To Eternal Bliss by Another Douche

We are driven by our fears. Everything in human civilization could be traced as an attempt to overcome fear.

A funnel that filter everything.

We all have pain that we hide, a part of us that we just aren’t ready to share with the world.

It can be difficult at times. Even impossible. But being true to ourselves, it is always easy in the end.

So what if we suffer? Aren’t our sufferings a part of our life?

Life is an amalgamation of everything. Sad. Happy. Despair. Anger. And whatnot. Life is life.

Then why do we always chase happiness? Isn’t that a concept too?

Come to think of it, what is happiness?

Accepting some hypothetical series of hormonal impulses? Because believe me, that’s all their is to satisfaction. A surge of feel good hormones.

Everything comes with an expiration date. And the only absolute truth is death. I’m not saying that we should simply stop living, and wait for death.

I’m still not that gloomy.

But why? Why do we chase a hypothetical when in reality, it is never possible. Something will always trump whatever pleasure, or happiness, you are experiencing right now.

There is no such thing as pure bliss. It’s only accepting our tale of life.

That’s all there is to it, accepting things for what they are.

Now, before you think I’m a negative speaker, let me extend it like this. Can’t my words, accepting the situation as it is, be used as a driving force? I’m ambitious, so rather than worrying that I’ll never achieve the greatness I so dearly wish for, how about I accept it, and let it fuel me?

One step at a time.

Rather than chasing the high of an eternal happiness, a satisfaction, why not accept the misery of ambition?

I sound like someone who just took LSD, or maybe some other narcotics.

It’s all the over the place, I guess. But that’s how rambles work, don’t they?

Actually, life lessons work that way too. There is no fucking manual.

#11 steps to eternal bliss by another fucking douche.

Life is life. One step at a time.

Another Psychopathic Narcissist

I’m turning twenty-five on eighth. Don’t hassle. You don’t have to congratulate me. For me, it’s just another date. I’ll still have the same issues I’ll have on the night of seventh.

Nothing would change. Well, expect the date.

The night of the seventh, or the morning of the eighth, I’ll be as conflicted as I’ve been for last six, or seven months.

I might be one of the self aware narcissist, or I could be a psychopath with too much self pity. Actually, I’d lean towards the latter one. After all, I’m whining with my words. Aren’t I?

Rather than doing something about it, I’m complaining, like an idiot. All that is wrong with the world, all that bothers me. How my life never turned out to be the way I wanted it to be?

Actually, that could be the problem. I assumed my life would have been a projection of one of my dreams. I’d be successful, would have achieved something significant, at least by my standards, but here I am. A soon to be twenty-five-year old millennial, with the issues that would put my ambitious self to shame.

You know, it could be the part of growing up. It’s definitely a human experience. A life teaching, if you must.

I’m fascinated with human psychology. Did you know that? The whole deal.

Why we do what we do? Why the fuck do we do anything?

Isn’t that the greatest question every religion tries to answer?

Do you ever get tired of thinking, analysing, extrapolating your every move? You might ask, what sort of strange question is that. If you did, if you actually did, man, I’m in trouble.

I’ve lived my entire life like that. It isn’t methodological, if that’s what you’re thinking. It is just a way of life. It’s how my brain keeps itself engaged. Like I said, I’m either a narcissist, or a psychopath. You know what, I could be both.

Why?

We are born and we die. There isn’t any Voodoo shit about that. On the grand scale of time, our existence isn’t even a blip.

And yet we exist. 

Why?

The Greatest Teacher

We all say success breeds confidence. Sure, it’s true. But what would be the point of advocating something you yourself don’t believe in.

I’m not saying I don’t believe in success. But again, I’m always focused on negatives rather than positives, so there is that.

Do you know the greatest teacher?

It might be success. But if success breeds confidence, it also breeds ignorance. Ignorance for our shortcomings.

We are human and we are flawed.

The greatest teacher?

The greatest teacher is failure. After all, we are humans so we are bound to make few. Well, maybe a lot more than few.

The point is, we learn more from failing than we learn by winning.

Actually, there is no such thing as winning or losing. By the technical terms, if we win, we win. But if we fail, we learn.

And I believe that’s the biggest lesson anyone can ever learn.

Almost always.

Never be ashamed if you reach your destination later than others. You reached where you were meant to be and that’s all that matters.

It isn’t the destination but the journey which is beautiful. Destination is the end. And no one, in the history of mankind, ever liked the end. Which is why each destination sparks the quest for another. And while we are on that, there are no ends. Only moments. Moments from where we decide to look forward and backwards.

Civil War

Just to drift away and fade into an ever-sretching white light,

Away from doubts,

And into the bliss,

From the life I have started to despise.

There is a hidden strength among my shivering words,

Words that shy as they leave my stuttering lips.

A strength to wander and explore the unknown.

To drift into the ever-changing whiteness of the unknown,

That question,

The life altering confession,

Which I’m shying from making to my already aware heart,

Is a game of my pragmatic mind.

A mind, whose soul purpose is to guide me in this world of uncertainty.

Whom should I deny the benefit of doubt?

My mind,

My heart,

In a struggle for power,

They are in a continous tug of war.

This,

This is my

Civil war.

QOTD_17_12_17

Something Great