Another Psychopathic Narcissist

I’m turning twenty-five on eighth. Don’t hassle. You don’t have to congratulate me. For me, it’s just another date. I’ll still have the same issues I’ll have on the night of seventh.

Nothing would change. Well, expect the date.

The night of the seventh, or the morning of the eighth, I’ll be as conflicted as I’ve been for last six, or seven months.

I might be one of the self aware narcissist, or I could be a psychopath with too much self pity. Actually, I’d lean towards the latter one. After all, I’m whining with my words. Aren’t I?

Rather than doing something about it, I’m complaining, like an idiot. All that is wrong with the world, all that bothers me. How my life never turned out to be the way I wanted it to be?

Actually, that could be the problem. I assumed my life would have been a projection of one of my dreams. I’d be successful, would have achieved something significant, at least by my standards, but here I am. A soon to be twenty-five-year old millennial, with the issues that would put my ambitious self to shame.

You know, it could be the part of growing up. It’s definitely a human experience. A life teaching, if you must.

I’m fascinated with human psychology. Did you know that? The whole deal.

Why we do what we do? Why the fuck do we do anything?

Isn’t that the greatest question every religion tries to answer?

Do you ever get tired of thinking, analysing, extrapolating your every move? You might ask, what sort of strange question is that. If you did, if you actually did, man, I’m in trouble.

I’ve lived my entire life like that. It isn’t methodological, if that’s what you’re thinking. It is just a way of life. It’s how my brain keeps itself engaged. Like I said, I’m either a narcissist, or a psychopath. You know what, I could be both.

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2 thoughts on “Another Psychopathic Narcissist

  1. I feel few scientists of your intensity would be themselves if they were highly emotional. You spend hours in the isolation of study which you engage nonhuman entities. Your thoughts are your career. An internal life is not the most common life. I live an internal life filled with life questions. I have no PHD, no high level career. I am artistic. the way you ask the world questions almost demanding it to answer. It won’t give you answers. Your answers will come when you see your chemicals, atoms, mixtures, as your participation. The answers that will come will not appear if you weren’t part of the equation. If I didn’t have these questions this lab would just sit here alone. I give it life and purpose. My internal life I feel everything. The pain of a broken flies wing. Grass screaming when its cut. Wind carrying debris of explosions and crying. In this, my mind, I ask why I feel these things. That is my calling. Inside the cries of nature down to the molecule. Keep seeking my very young friend.

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