The Shackles Of Doubts

In any discussion, there is a certain point where you run out of things to say, you realize you’ve exhausted all the arguments you could have made, and then you find yourself stuck in a vicious cycle of thoughts, repeating itself over and over again, a cycle made of drivels.

Don’t worry, it isn’t random. Though I do like starting my posts like this.

A straight dive into the conflict.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with writing. It isn’t the part where I lay down words on paper (A screen in my case), it’s the part where I think of sharing it with others.

Fucking standards. You know, I believe I’ve already written a post quite similar to the one I’m writing right now.

Only so much you can ramble before you repeat yourself.

Again. 

And again.

Writers who can work around their doubts, they are the ones who find writing to be easy. For some of us, me included, the shackles of doubts are too strong. So, we struggle.

We struggle finding our worth. Even though we know there isn’t anything new under the sun. Just the same old story, but different tellers.

You would think after writing so much for such long time, it’d be slightly easier, right? Well, you thought wrong.

It’s the second one where the real struggle lies. First one, people often attribute to beginner’s luck. Fuck people, even the writer, himself or herself, attributes their first work to luck.

It’s easy to go from zero to ninty, it’s the last ten where the entire battle is done.

The second step.

When we take it, we already have the weightage of the first one. We have already committed, so there isn’t any going back.

It feels so fucking heavy.

See, I don’t want to carry this thought anymore. I started the first step, and the second one, the one where I’m supposed to resolve this post, I do not want to take that step.

If you deal in art, then suffering is your currency.

Like I said, I feel as if I’m repeating myself over and over again. So, what would be the point of resolving the conflict?

I’m pretty sure I must have written the answer in one of my previous post.

Let’s Talk About Spirituality

Lately, I’ve been fascinated with spirituality. Believe me, for an atheist, that’s quite a confession. Now the point is, I’m fascinated, and in no way, I am saying that I’m inclined towards religion. I abhor and despise it with all my might.

But spirituality, that’s something else. At least an idea where I can somehow compromise my strong belief system. The thought process on which my entire ego system is built.

This posts, it’s a sum of at least ten little notes I wrote over a week or so, little ideas that I captured in brisk moments. But it’s a web of interconnected ideas, one idea is intertwined to another. It might get long, so before we begin, you’ve been warned.

Request for Collaboration

I can make this particular request as formal as you can possibly imagine. But then I’ll be losing on the particular point which I am exactly trying to make. This is something I have been planning for a while now. I want to create a collaborative blog. Now I’ve already discussed that particular idea with two of my good friends (Bisma Naveed of A Thought Process and Brett Little of Individual expression of a naive mind). But so far, we haven’t taken any step in that particular direction. So far, the collaborative blogs that I have seen on WordPress are generally a sum of two bloggers or a forum of hundreds.

An Agony Within

Dickens once said, “What I won’t give to have flames of meaning burn this darkness of doubt inside me,” oh wait, I said that, made you look didn’t I? We all are strange followers, all of us, ships in a herd waiting for the command of someone we have accepted to guide our fate. We need someone to blame, someone to praise because we are too pathetic and too weak to accept our fate on our own terms.

Why is it that pain leads us towards introspection but joy makes us nothing more than ignorant? One of the hardest thing we ever do is learn to be ourselves. The thing we all are afraid of, a little introspection. Who knows what sort of demons we will find. My pain forced me to take the first step towards my long withdrawn dream. This story is the result of introspection of all my sufferings, I never would have decided to write this one if everything had gone perfectly normal for me. I would have simply lived my life like most of normal people, waking, working and sleeping.