It’s Going To Be Legen…Wait For It…Dary.

dog sitting in front of a computer/laptop - humour, funny

Well. Oh sorry, customary warning, this post contains too much profanity, if you consider the versatile f word to be profanity.

And by the way, a fuck must be earned, all right. I can’t just go wandering giving up fucks for free. That’d be so tiring.

And if you ask, why so much profanity, or as I call them, sentence enhancers? Because I’m happy. Go figure that shit out.

So, let me quote someone who is way too well known. It is going to be, legen…wait for it…dary. it’s going to be legendary.

Buckle your seatbelts if you enjoy the twisted kind of humour. Put away your coffee or tea, or water. By the way, why are you drinking water?

Don’t you know it’s winter? Drink coffee. Why? Because crack is bad for you.

Don’t believe me? Well, wait for two minutes.

Still not sure? 

That ascended pretty fast, right, huh, right?

Nothing?

Well, let me bring the big guns here.

This one is literally, figuratively, and some more stupid superlatives, kind of legen… Well, you guess the rest.

You think I’m not funny? Well, read the caption again. Psst, the one at the bottom of all the images.

Got it?

Oh, and don’t forget.

PS: 

All images were created using Canva. Yup, still using it.

PPS:

How To Increase Your Followers – Another Clickbait Title To Make You Read My Post.

In case you didn’t run away after reading the title, let us begin on this beautiful journey that’ll make you a millionaire overnight. I promise. I have done that for hundreds of people who thank me to this day.

If you believe I’m lying, let me add few fake testimonials from people, who do not exist, telling you how I changed their life.

Nitesh is awesome. He knows everything about the brilliant topic he is talking about. First generic bubbly girl with a beautiful face.

I had given up hope. That was until I met Nitesh. Now I can say without any doubt, Nitesh’s course for amateurs like me indeed works. It is the best one million dollar you’ll ever spend. The first generic bald fat middle aged man whose life was saved by blogging.

sarcasm one of the many services i offer

What? You’re still here?

You won’t leave unless I tell you my secret, right? Well, here it is.

I’ll tell you one little secret. That’s it. You do not need to worry about anything else.

Continue reading “How To Increase Your Followers – Another Clickbait Title To Make You Read My Post.”

Diary Of A Madman – Entry 25th October 2017 (Because I’m Running Out of Original Titles)

Come on. Here we go again, motherfucker. Oh, sorry, compulsory warning, this post contains profanity. Well, because I’m in one of my moods. You call them profanity, I call them sentence enhancers. And before I forget, that’s how Slipknot’s best album starts. 

Should I do it? It’s feels as if I ignored it for too long. Though in reality it was only three days. Shit. Three days, that’s way too long for someone like me. Too long to ignore the voices, to ignore the need.

This isn’t the way it is supposed to be. This is the only way I feel whole. That sounds so pathetic. Can I really maintain the suspense for a little long? I’m struggling so much. Now I know why I’m a horrible suspense writer. I can only write soapy drama. Maybe I’m one dimensional. No matter how much I try to ignore it. For example, this is a little exercise to write something in short sentences. Simple sentences. No complex sentences. No compound verbs.

Improper paragraph breaks. Five lines. Seven lines. The point is mixing up your style. Maybe it is a way to challenge yourself. Maybe this is how we are supposed to get out of our comfort zone. As of late, I’ve been feeling that my writing skills are rather limited. It feels as if I’m repeating myself over and over again. That can be a good thing. After all, that’s how we achieve mastery over any skill.

Writing isn’t that. Not anymore. It’s something entirely else. Maybe I should try writing something in some other genre. Science fiction seems fitting. After all I am a nerd who studies Immunology.

I digressed, didn’t I? Maybe that is the way we write good suspense thriller. We add a lot of irrelevant details. That was a snark. Huh, I’m back to my old self. Come on, idiot, get out of your comfort zone. Anyone can write a rant. Write something ridiculous for a change.

But I’ve been writing that for so long. Then write something good. Simple.

That was a ridiculous little paragraph. Let’s see if I can make fun of some other stereotypical genre. Ooh, let’s try young adult fiction. Girl falls in love with a bad boy. Good boy helps the bad boy with homework (Homework is too cliched, maybe a bodybuilding championship, after all, nerds can go to gym too). Good boy falls in love with the girl. Bad boy chooses his gym membership over the girl (Wow! We have comedy too. Shit! Let’s overuse exclamation marks, that is another necessity of YA fiction). Girl goes to the good boy. Good boy accepts her. After all, good guys are pathetic loser who always soothe the ego of rejected idiots. Nice!! And we have the plot of next bestselling young adult fiction.

Maybe I should not publish this post and write the YA fiction myself. Brilliant! I got my NaNoWriMo plot figured out. I’ll be filthy rich (Imagine me doing the manic villian laughter).

I guess I am too stupid. I ended up writing another rant. Nitesh, you can never be a good writer, you idiot.

And while we are on that subject, what kind of fucking idiot talks about himself in third person? Well hello, a narcissist. Who else? Shit. Who cares for socially aware pragmatic citizens? We need dogmatic minions who worship stones and animals. This was fun.

Oh, about the suspense, I was on Slipknot break. Can you believe it? Three days without Slipknot. I’m surprised I’m not in jail. Perfect line. Slipknot – Because bitchslapping or punching people in the throat would be animal abuse.

Fuck! By now I’m entirely sure my death will most likely be caused by being sarcastic at the wrong time.

I wholeheartedly apologize for the overdone exclamation marks. I hate exclamation marks.

Via Daily Prompt: Identity