Inktober 2017 – Day Eight Entry – A Life Marred

What should I ramble today? As of late, I think I am running out of things to say. Does the second part seems like a question you also ponder a lot, my dear readers? Well, I do that every day and that is when I always requote a quote, “There are no original ideas. Just different narrators telling the same story.”

And No, there isn’t anything wrong with that. I can write ten different post explaining the very same idea. Ten views on same principle. But what I want to discuss today is more urgent. I have decided to collect all my poetry into one little collection and publish it. Yup, a narcissistic piece of shit is going to publish the most complicated form of creative writing.

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Inktober 2017 – Day Seven Entry – Untitled #3

I was traveling back to home and I was in public bus. The person sitting next to me was speaking in Kashmiri. I knew it was Kashmiri because I’ve known quite a few kashmirians, I know enough to know the dialect. Everyone had that judging look, you know, as if he was planning the next terrorist attack, as if the very bus he was sitting on was about to be blown up in few minutes. I mean it’s comical, behind all the rage, behind the Islamophobia, it’s comical. These idiots who don’t even know how to earn more than 200 rupees in one day judge someone who for all intent and purposes could be a millionaire.

This inherent habit or need to judge, to assume simply based on someone’s voice raises unbelievable questions. It definitely does that in my mind. I once wrote it in a post (I have no idea which one), “Are personalities inherent or are they malleable, influenced by everything, from books to parents to friends to films to music to art.”

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Inktober 2017 – Day Six Entry – Married to Agony

Let’s just get the usual banter of warnings over first. One, if you are here to simply look for the Inktober entry or the photograph entry for WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge, skip to the bottom of the post. Second, if you are a restless reader, like me, and reading some thousand word rants isn’t your cup of tea, you can skip the post. Third, I am just too obsessed with pain and darkness, so do not expect rainbows to shoot out of thin air.

If you’re still reading, then let’s write another chapter into the Diary of a Madman.

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Inktober – Day Five Entry – The Riddle of Time

My dear readers, I have a thought and it’s bugging me for a while now. In almost every blog that I have ever read, there is a category of “The Best of.” The so called Hall of Fame, or in my case, “Hall of Pain.” So I want to make a simple request. Kindly help me out with choosing the best posts (The one you like the most) and ease out some of my tension, would you? If there was one of them, kindly drop the name in comment section. Meanwhile, I’ll be re-reading all of my post and I’ll try to come up with my own list.

Now that I have made a shameless request, a little poem for you. I know it’s rare among my rants, but here it is nonetheless. Just like last time, if you are here just to see the Inktober sketch, jump to the end of the post. Otherwise, let’s solve a riddle, shall we?

The Riddle of Time

Deluded by the doubts of all that was untold,

I was captive by the numbness

Of a mind somewhat uncertain.

Scratching my wounds,

Frantic beliefs of my inner self,

They trapped me in one memory

Forever.

For many countless years,

Many endless years,

My words made me alter

And suffer.

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Just before the distance breaks in.

The thoughts that enslave my mind
When I stand near to you,
Lost in those eyes of yours,
And much, so much more.
Whispers of wishes.
There are moments
When I cease to exist,
Held captive by visions of you
And then I’m yours truly.
For your eyes,
They breathe for me.
For in the moment we’ll be merged,
As I’ll lose myself in your eyes.
Sinking in the timeless moment.
Drifting in your smile.

A Thought Process

Your eyes, they breathe for me, conveying what I couldn’t say. Never have I ever felt so alive, so exuberantly happy except when I look at these orbs so utterly intense taking my breath away, compelling me to believe.

Your faint glimpses ignite an uncanny contentment inside me and for a second I feel so detached from pain, this gnawing misery as if I have never experienced the twisting agony inside every fragment of my bones, as if the urge to be seen has never torn me apart because whenever you look at me, my walls, they crumble, these iron shackles that enslave my throbbing heart they just break loose, as if somehow letting me go, to wander away into your evergreen soul, to create a home out of this barren land, these broken bricks.

Whenever reason betrays, whenever these tears threaten to spill I want to breathe your presence…

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Inktober – Day Four Entry – A Piece of Me

So day four of Inktober 2017, hmm. The official Inktober prompt for today is “Underwater,” and the official WordPress daily prompt is “deny.” Now when most people read the word underwater, the first thought that strikes their mind is most likely some kind of fish. Some illustrators might draw a mermaid. Now my thought process is way more complicated than that, way way more complicated. When I read the word underwater I think of suffocation. When I saw the word deny, there was only one thought that merged those two words.

Ladies and gentlemen, buckle your seat belts, here comes another rant of a madman. Oh, and before we start, if you came here just to see the sketch, scroll to the end of the post, you’ll find it there.

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The universe exist within me as much as I exist in the universe.

A Ray of Sunshine

I am the universe, infinite in every direction, filled with immense thoughts and enthusiastic life expressing myself as a human for a little while. I am the strength, the finesse, the dynamicity. I claim my power from myself, trusting them and standing with the confidence in my own skin. I am the spirit not just with the five external senses of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and feeling. I am much more than that. I recreated myself with colossal array of senses that describes my soul, the internal senses of peace, intuitions, empathy, love, trust and much more. I don’t divide my external senses from the internal ones. They together create a magic inside me while fighting and convincing each other, growing my senses even more sharper. I believe in derangement of my senses in order to obtain the unknown. They empower my strength, expand the vision beyond borders.

I have…

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Inktober – Day Three Entry – What’s your Poison?

Imagine this. A sixteen year old boy. An industrial area and the clock striking fifteen past midnight. No, I am not trying to make you imagine a bad horror movie or thriller movie. That scene was quite common in my teenage years.

There isn’t a point into going into details. At least this post isn’t dedicated to that. A sixteen year old unloading a truck filled to brim with twenty-five kilogram cartos is a quite common sight in India. There isn’t anything special or unique about it. And before you wonder, yes, those two words are different. Ahh, fuck. I just can’t stop showing off, can I? This idiotic rant, well not a rant today, is meant to be my respect for Metal. Yup, we are going there.

So, fifteen past midnight. Twenty-five kilogram cartons and, I’m having trouble remembering the number but I guess they used to be seventy in a fully loaded truck. Now, I am sixteen at that time and I am and I was a bright kid when it came to academics (I’m one of those who generally tops the class, but again that isn’t the point). I had my final exams next day. I was in tenth standard at that time and in India, 10th standard used to be a very big deal. Used to be. I can make it poetic, after all I do know how to write poetry, but that’d be just a pathetic excuse.

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Inktober – Day Two Entry – Fear Of Missing Out

There are so many moments in my life when I have felt this particular emotion. What is the fucking point of anything? I’ll die one day. The earth will keep moving. And on the scale of universal, my existence would be nothing but a spackle of dust in a never-ending desert. Another wind and I’ll stop existing.

My favorite place to hang while I am in my lab is on the staircase. Don’t worry, I go there when I am waiting on one of my experiments. There is one single window there and if I have to guess its dimensions, I’ll say it’s most probably 4 feet by 3 feet. It is a big ass window.

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A word with my subconscious mind..

A Ray of Sunshine

“Dude, don’t change the story, I was there.”

I said, “How are you so sure that I am changing the story? You were not there. I did not allow you.”

“Oh really! I was there. I am still there and unfortunately for both of us, I will be there. And it’s not a coincidence, it’s an abiding truth. You have to live with it because you see, you are responsible for it.”

I kept quiet for some time, again lost in my story, with disoriented descriptions like an unfinished puzzle. A perfect example of contradictions, where I have no self-confidence yet filled with massive ego. Where I want to have no weaknesses yet all I want to do is to cry. Where I want to wake up happily yet I don’t want to wake up anymore. This is when I heard the voice again.

“Move on, it’s just a…

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