A Love Story? – Chapter Twenty One

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“You’re nothing more than a whore, every time you go there, giving your opinion when no one asks you to, why don’t you simply marry him? Why do you even live in this house? Huh?” Don’t worry, my silent friend, those aren’t my words. I just witnessed them everyday in my childhood. That was my father’s most proud argument. That was all my father thought of my mother. That was how my father always started beating my mother. He always started with some words of true praise.

Thirteen years have passed and it still seems so raw. I was only seventeen back then. How you love and hate someone in the same moment? Why can’t I only be happy or only be sad? Why does it have to be so confusing? Why does every emotion needs to be camouflaged with something else? If only it was that simple.

On most days, I was scared that he’ll beat me too, so I let my mother take the beating while I hid like a scared little puppy. At least that way I never got physically hurt. I don’t know what changed on that day, I honestly don’t know why I raised my voice on that day.

Continue reading “A Love Story? – Chapter Twenty One”

A Love Story? – Chapter Twenty

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My silent friend, do you know that feeling when your body aches just a little more, your eyes burn, your head feels a lot heavier, your breathing becomes labored and even the air feels baleful? On certain morning it feels as if there is no meaning to life and I’m nothing more than a worthless piece of shit. Moments like these, they are random, there is nothing premeditated to it or maybe there is, who knows.

It’s not as if you do not want to leave the comfort of your bed, it’s simply the fact that you struggle to find a reason to do so, nothing makes sense. You lack the inspiration to do anything.

When I woke up the next morning, I was in a foul mood. There are certain days when you wake up and you’re just not in a good mood, there is nothing you can do to change it. Suddenly the fan makes too much noise, the toothpaste is finished, the water is too hot and the worst, you don’t have a clean pair of socks to wear. If you prefer your coffee little strong, it starts to taste a little sweet and if you prefer it light, it suddenly starts tasting a little bitter. That morning, the coffee was just a little sweeter. Some mornings are just horrible.

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A Love Story? – Chapter Nineteen

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As I’d said, I just can’t let the memories of that morning fade away so easily. It was a morning that altered too much in too little time. It was the morning I found someone who was intellectually compatible with me. A person who thought of the world in shades of gray, not black or white, not men or women but as a human being.

Sadly, pain always triumphs happiness and sadness always triumphs smile. That is reality, no matter how much we’d like to believe otherwise. We’d been smiling for a while by then and in those moments, it did felt as if the time was blazing away. But once we were past my terrible jokes, once my terrible humor felt face down and faded away, the pain and frustration did returned, this time with a vengeance.

Continue reading “A Love Story? – Chapter Nineteen”

A Love Story? – Chapter Eighteen

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“I do not, I, uh, I do not, but I just can’t stop feeling like there is a part of me that does belongs to her. See, I told you I feel guilty for a reason. Maybe I did cheated on you, after all.”

“How? I mean I, uh, I don’t understand why do you feel you cheated on me. You didn’t slept with her, right??

“No, not about any of…” my voice trailed away. I didn’t know how to verbalize it, so I just simply decided to give up and said, “Would you mind if we talk in the morning?”

I would have understood if she would have said no but then again, she was the least judgmental one, wasn’t she, so she simply said, “Sure.”

And as I fell on my side of the bed and settled, staring at the ceiling fan, my thoughts drifted back to the morning Sandhya cried, the morning we cried together. How could I put the memory away and find my way back to the normal again. What the hell is normal anyway? These thoughts were something I couldn’t control. They were finally emerging from the darkness a little. My eyes had long adjusted to the darkness and yet it felt as if they were burning.

On that particular morning, once our false sense of comfort was shattered with the reality of Sandhya’s confessions, wait, why were they confessions? She wasn’t guilty of anything. All burn out one day. Her innocence was destroyed, the asshole who did it lived his life the way patriarchy allowed him to. Afforded him to. And yet Sandhya was broken. How was that justice? How was that humanity?

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A Love Story? – Chapter Seventeen

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Night had fallen. faded darkness, and no hint of anything else. A gentle draft flowed in the otherwise dark room and sent a chill running down my spine. The night had started to get cold.

Harriet B Stowe once said, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone.” These were the words that kept going through my mind as I was lying on my bed, gazing at the night sky through the window. It was a beautiful night, the sky was mostly clear with spots of stars twinkling here and there, becoming spotlight in the dark for forsaken souls. It did look like a storm was coming from north, maybe in few hours. Mine was already there.

“What is wrong, Atul?”

“I don’t know, Radhika, maybe you know, uh, you know, just forget I said anything, alright?”

“How long are you planning on keeping whatever is eating you from the inside? You do know, you can tell me anything. Isn’t that the point, dear?” She replied with a dead serious look in her eyes.

Continue reading “A Love Story? – Chapter Seventeen”

A Love Story? – Chapter Sixteen

I’m exhausted. Forty five hundred words in one day. Phew, man, I should get a noble prize. Well, few clarifications, I wrote this chapter in one hour and I do not have the strength to sugarcoat and ornate every line. So, bear with me for this one. After all, all these chapters, they are first draft for something bound to be great. Oh, I just cannot stop. Narcissistic Piece of…. You fill the gap.

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I had just finished typing and putting my phone on the coffee table when the creek of the staircase made me realize the reality with which my confrontation was inevitable. Radhika was coming upstairs. The moment of truth. We all look for certain something, to fill that void, you know, but my silent friend, nothing in the world can fill the emptiness that is left by someone close. It’s a hard reality but one we need to keep in touch with. The way to move on is to know when that reality sets in. That was the moment it was meant to happen for me and Radhika.

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A Love Story? – Chapter Fifteen

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So, do you ever feel like that there was more to your life than the reality you are living now? Yes, I’m talking to you again, my silent friend. Did you? Well, I do and I’ve felt that way for as long as I can remember. What if I had a higher calling? I like the sound of that, “Higher calling.” How hard it was for me to write the first page that I ever wrote. You won’t believe how many times I procrastinated. And the reason was always the same, I was afraid and almost always I would end up giving writing before writing anything. We all have that basic human instincts, fear, doubting ourselves, it’s our inner struggle to fight and overcome those basic flaws and be the person we want to be, we choose to be.

Continue reading “A Love Story? – Chapter Fifteen”

A Love Story? – Chapter Fourteen

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Once we controlled our laughter, Radhika started making tea. I know I said I’m a coffee person but there is something truly beautiful about Radhika’s tea. I just cannot deny myself the pleasure. Tea or coffee. It seems as if an artist’s hands just cannot do any wrong. We had laughed for quite some time until then. Yet Radhika couldn’t supress some random giggles here and there, as if she was having just too much fun to just let it go.

Once she had simmered the tea long enough, she poured it into two cups and handed me the larger one. We stayed quite for a while after that, blowing little breaths to cool the tea, and taking little sips in-between from our respective cups.

“So, anything else happened? Anything other than T-shirt department?” Radhika asked me as a little chuckle escaped her mouth.

Continue reading “A Love Story? – Chapter Fourteen”

A Love Story? – Chapter Thirteen

So, my dear friends, as many of you know, I generally end up writing too much on social stigmas. Now as this particular story is influenced, or more accurately designed, based on daily prompts, today’s daily prompt was interesting.
Spicy. Really interesting, you say. I thought so too. So I ended up writing comedy, to spice up our otherwise grim tale. Let’s see how well I did.

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We all have this basal instinct to blame our shortcomings on something else. It happened because of him or her but not me. We all need a god and a devil to break our stones, to bear the burden of our blames. In reality, if we look real close for it, we’ll learn only one truth. There isn’t a god and there is definitely not a devil. In the end, all there is to it, is you and your choices. Choices. Continue reading “A Love Story? – Chapter Thirteen”

A Love Story? – Chapter Twelve

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Just like most young adults, I also live in another little locality extending on the corners of an already overcrowded colony filled with thousands. There is nothing special to this place: it’s just another one of the locality lost in the capital where we turn blind eye one too many times, another land full of sewage, full of broken streets, huddle of buildings we call home. But my home is also a part of this land, away from the noises of busy roads. Even through the faint hum of traffic in the background, there is something so visceral about the quietness of it all, quite which washes away the discordant reality of life. It is amazing how I step out of the city into this quiet haven. The jungle of modern times, made of brick and concrete, that rapes the naked simplicity of nature on every step. Generally my stroll through the dirt road use to be uneventful, but on certain evenings, out of the ashes of its stillness, it can surprise you.

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