How To Increase Your Followers – Another Clickbait Title To Make You Read My Post.

In case you didn’t run away after reading the title, let us begin on this beautiful journey that’ll make you a millionaire overnight. I promise. I have done that for hundreds of people who thank me to this day.

If you believe I’m lying, let me add few fake testimonials from people, who do not exist, telling you how I changed their life.

Nitesh is awesome. He knows everything about the brilliant topic he is talking about. First generic bubbly girl with a beautiful face.

I had given up hope. That was until I met Nitesh. Now I can say without any doubt, Nitesh’s course for amateurs like me indeed works. It is the best one million dollar you’ll ever spend. The first generic bald fat middle aged man whose life was saved by blogging.

What? You’re still here?

You won’t leave unless I tell you my secret, right? Well, here it is.

I’ll tell you one little secret. That’s it. You do not need to worry about anything else.

On the blogosphere, every dedicated one hour and comment counts to one follower. Simple. You do not have to worry about hundred little tweaks, a thirty-day checklist or eight simple steps.

Read someone’s words and comment.

And for the love of god, do not comment, “Brilliant post. True. Beautiful. You know your subject.”

To the person who wrote it, it sounds something like this, “Hey idiot. I didn’t read one word of what you published but I still have to show that I clicked the link. So, you know, I am an ungrateful idiot but why don’t you give my blog a read too?”

Do not be an ungrateful idiot. Please. See, I am even saying please.

Unless that is what exactly you are going for. Oh, I am going for that. So you’re warned for the umpteenth time now.

But what people tend to forget is simpler than that tactic. Relationships take time to develop, you idiotic trend follower.

In this age of digital networking, people believe that all it takes to become friends is one common acquaintance and few text messages over their favorite social media messenger. Let me clarify something for you, relationships take time.

What is the bloody point of having hundreds of acquaintances and still feeling alone or misunderstood? I mean, heck, is it that complicated to understand?

I had a little discussion with my wife today, well it wasn’t so little, but I’ll tell you the gist. I am a huge fan of TV sitcom, “How I Met Your Mother.” Now the sole reason for that is the relationship of Lily and Marshall. Read a little about it, I do not have the time of explaining the plot.

Now, I’ve seen hundreds of TV shows. Literally hundreds. And out of all of them, it is the only show in which they showed two characters who had the same solid relationship from season one episode one to the series finale, in this case, season nine episode twenty-four. A total of two hundred and eight episodes.

In this generation of over clichéd plots, believe me, that speaks volume.

Now, why do I love that TV show so much? Well because I’m a sucker for strong solid relationships. Yeah, I know I’m a nerd, a boring Joe whose life has no excitement. How pathetic that is.

Oh, and in case anyone missed it that is a clichéd plot device for most young adult shows. An academically gifted student whose life had no excitement until our lead hottie entered the picture. And then suddenly, our comical nerd starts wearing leather and drives Harley Davidson.

Wow! Another brilliant plot.

How the hell did I get here? I was talking about increasing followers, wasn’t I? Damn, I digress too much. No doubt I’m not a famous celebrity blogger.

Lily and Marshall. That level of comfort comes after years of bearing with each other, in case anyone was wondering. I just don’t understand why that is not appreciated. Why the fuck people want an action-packed, over clichéd, crime thrillers when in reality, they most probably philosophize when they sit in the bathroom at morning? I mean, fuck.

Why the hell do they want sturdy relationships in their life but expect a twisty romantic triangle on their favorite TV show? Are you really going to become the next Jason Bourne, Jack Reacher or Lara Croft? No. You’ll most probably wake up tomorrow, stare at the ground and wish to sleep for few more minutes. You’ll eat the same old breakfast you’ve been eating your whole life and you’ll philosophize in the bathroom. Don’t laugh. It is true.

The triviality of life is beautiful. Stop making it look pathetic. It isn’t. It will never be. And if you still think there is something wrong with that, let me clarify something for you. There is nothing wrong with boring people like me, most probably, there is a fault in you.

Adios, idiota.

This ridiculousness was sponsored by Sketches by Nitesh, the brainchild of another caffeine addict who writes ballads for coffee (The Ballad Of coffee). Sometimes rants (Rants Of a Coffee-nerd) too. An addict who believes himself to be the hundredth reincarnation of greatest God ever.

Like ever.

Oh and coffee. Like a shit load of coffee.

Black comedy isn’t for the faint-hearted.

© Nitesh Mishra