How To Increase Blog Traffic: 11 Steps To The “So Called Elite Group.”

You’ve been blogging for almost hundred days. All is going comparatively good but somewhere deep within, you have this nagging, you know. How do I get more views? It doesn’t matter that you started your blog as a mean to unleash hundreds of creative projects you have accumulated over years. It isn’t important that the reason behind starting your blog was rather innocent. You just wanted someone else, other than your family and close friends, to appreciate your creative side.

But at end of the day, you’re just like everyone else. No matter how much you deny. No matter how much you argue that you’re unique, that you do not care for materialistic possessions. You do worry about increasing your readership. It seems only logical, doesn’t it?

So, you do what everyone else does. You devour the internet. Search queries after search queries. How to get more views on my post? How to write a compelling blog post? How to increase blog traffic fast? How to get your blog get noticed on WordPress? There is too much information. How do you make sense of it? Lucky for you, I have summarised it all, right here.

Just like you expected to.

Do not give the condescending look. You all have done it.

Before we dwell into my rant, let’s sum up the advice of the bloggers who apparently make millions from their blog per month.

11 Steps To Blogging Success

1. Write remarkable content.
2. Write blog full of keywords.
3. Use appropriate tags.
4. Use proper title.
5. Use proper headers.
6. Use multiple platforms.
7. Do guest blogging.
8. Blog regularly.
9. Link to other articles.
10. Read and comment on other posts.
11. Spread the word, tell your friends.

Shit, Sherlock!!

There are thousands of articles summing the same old clichéd advice. I’m not joking, there are literally thousands. What none of them tells you is rather simple. You want more traffic, lie as much as you can. From all that I’ve read so far (And I read a lot), I will tell you one pretty simple observation. There are only two, maybe three, types of blogs that get an unbelievable amount of traffic.

Most Profitable Blogs

1. One, the blogs that give blogging advice (Touche).
2. Two, the blogs that give motivational advice for sad puppies that cannot figure out their life
3. Three, the blogs that give fashion advice for Instagram celebrities that do not know the formula for the cube of (a+b).

For example, I can easily write three well separated, well-polished articles with good SEO potential from the rant I am doing right now. But where is the fun in that? I wrote some ten articles keeping all that crap in mind and I hated it. I fucking hated it.

The point is, “Idiots do not like being told on their faces that they are full of shit.” If only, there was a lethal selection for dumb idiots. I am freaking tired.

Oh, before I become too mean again and digress. How should you get more traffic to your blog? You know what, why don’t you google it? I am pretty sure you’ll find hundred, sorry, thousands of articles summing up the crap I already wrote in the first few paragraphs.

They will tell you how they got thousands of views in one day, how they created three-four successful blogs with a turnover of million dollars, how they used social media to get thousands of email subscribers. What none of those great visionaries (Suck it, Einstein) will tell you is that before their successful month, they had many unsuccessful years. Before their million view hit article, they had hundred article with barely thousand views.

But who cares for that? Who wants to know that their pathetic struggle isn’t something unique? They want to read success stories because they have no idea how to be anything more than worthless mass of breathing shit.

For example, god, I like giving examples. For example, this post can never be featured in any of the so-called online giant blogs because I believe that this world (Of blogging) is filled with idiots. This blog will never get a million views (It’s full of faults, just like me).

If I want 1000 views in one day, I am supposed to leave every sense of self that I have (I am a mean asshole writer) and become a preacher for, you guessed it, pathetic wastage of human flesh. I am not using that term as a metaphor right now. Some people are literally a bad decision, or maybe a broken condom. Who knows?

Final Advice

Oh, and before I forget, one of the most common blog advice is to offer something in the last paragraph of your post and in return ask for that person’s email address. Ask them to share your post on their social media accounts, ask them to drop some comments. And maybe, just maybe tell them to join one of your ground-breaking blogging course (In place of maybe, read as much as you can bug them).

I’ll give you that advice free of cost, for fuck sake, I do not have an email signup form. And even if I get it someday, it wouldn’t be from the point of view of selling clichéd pieces of advice. The free advice is, “Stop being a pathetic excuse and do something. Rather than sulking, read, you idiot. Reading always helps.”

If only people read the infographics about birth control.

P.S. I have a morbid sense of humour.