A Sense of Self

Let’s talk about the most hated topic. Let’s talk about death. What? You thought I’ll talk about Heavy Metal again. Hundreds of thousands of people die every day and we all know that the only absolute in the world is death yet when someone close to us dies, it becomes unbearable to be at peace with this particular thought. You read it anywhere. Almost every book will tell you there are five stages to grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. No one talks about the most difficult one. Guilt. If I had to guess, I’ll say that all of us ends up stuck on the last one without experiencing the remaining five. Guilty because we couldn’t save our friend or soothe their broken soul.

While we are on the topic of death, my silent friend, when someone tells you they are dying, what do you do? What do you say? I’m asking because I’ve always struggled with this one particular confrontation. What’s your instincts for such an event? While we are at it, what is instinct, is it simple chemistry or something intricate and complicated? What are emotions, what is love? Is it a chemistry we can manipulate and if we can, then would it really be complicated? Wouldn’t we have created what we call instinct? There are so many things I wanted to add to this. The speed at which I thought far outweighs the speed at which I can write or type. I’ve already forgotten half the things I wanted to add to this. Human mind is always in a quest to find answers. Why are we here, what is our purpose, what is the meaning of life? These questions become so intricate to our beliefs that our entire individuality develops around them. People believe in anything as long as it gives them hope.

What do you think, this people that live in slums, do they worship another god, and let’s say that they do, then doesn’t every religion says there is only one god, just different interpretations of him or her, then why this partiality to few unfortunate children of our creator? You see, there is just too much wrong for me to turn a blind eye and believe that god will be my saviour. I have embraced this particular fact a long time ago, life is chaotic, it is meaningless, and by no means are these my nihilistic views, it’s just harsh reality.

All of us are lost in pages of some book, some lines on some random page out of million books, telling our story perfectly. I’ve driven so many people away, so many friendships left behind. I’m pretty sure, there is one such book telling exactly what sort of ungrateful, unsympathetic friend I was, um, I am. I’m the living example of the fact that we dig up our own graves. Apparently having the slightest of common sense makes you an asshole. In reality we are all sadists, we enjoy inflicting pain on others. Through others misery is the only way we find our own peace.

A sense of self, that’s all. Not a definition written in a book, but your own true self, broken and withered, because that’s the only way you’ll be. Anyone will be. A sense of self, if it’s in chaos, peace or filth, that’s entirely upto oneself. And if you believe you’re whole, that is perfectly acceptable. It is your sense, why should I ask you to see from my perspective. I won’t look from yours, so why should I accept it from you. Right? Never judge someone just because they have different way of sinning. Inside we are all sinners. And in no way am I trying to be satanic, I’m making a generic statement. Sinning simply doesn’t mean killing or adultery or even stealing. Sinning is a term which is unbelievably malleable according to morals.

We do this basically for ourselves. People appreciate it, which is cool, but I think they appreciate that we’re doing it for ourselves. We’re doing it our way, and how people like it is not up to us. We like it – James Hetfield

There is no alternative to that reality. Let’s face bitter fate again, “Have you ever danced with the Devil?”

**

via Daily Prompt: Penchant

via Weekly Photo Challenge: Waiting