Who Am I?

You want to know about Me. Hmm, interesting.

I wrote these particular lines in Diary of a Madman, “Whatever words I say here might make some sense to certain people because after all what works for me might not work for you. It is my blog, these are my words and if you like them, we’ll end up learning a few things about each other.”

My need, my dark passenger. If any of you read Darkly Dreaming Dexter, or seen Dexter, you know what I’m talking about. But my need is not to kill someone, and cut them into pieces, my need for perfection, that’s my dark passenger. My silent one who stops me at every step from achieving anything, it’s too critical of me. This blog is my peace offering to my dark passenger.

Hello my silent friend, I’m Nitesh and I like to believe that creativity is in my blood.

Perceptions and preferences. Choice and chance. What my words mean to you can never mean the same to the person standing next to you. Sounds random? Don’t worry, it’ll get ugly very soon.

Let me ask you something, are personalities inherent or are they malleable, influenced by everything, from books to parents to friends to films to music to art? This is something I still struggle with, am I a product of my conscience or am I a product of my upbringing? Could two of them equally be important? I have no idea.

Maybe we’ll figure it together.

Choice and chance. I guess, there is no such thing as wrong or right, only if it can be accepted by the masses. I always say one thing, based on an individual’s psych, even a murderer can justify his killings. Now don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t makes it right, I’m just saying there is no such as right or wrong when it comes to individual perceptions. And that’s where the concept of moral reasoning comes into. I don’t like that word, moral, hmm, let’s say choice. That’s where the concept of choice comes into. What would you choose, greater good of everyone or benefit for you at cost of others?

Don’t give too much thought, you’ve already made up your mind, try to remember the first thing that came into your mind. I told you I’m going to show you your ugly face.

Introversion, I guess, it has become a marketing technique now. Introvert, I guess, it has become a pen name for almost everyone, even though it merges with their views in the way black merges with white. Stark contrast. I am an introvert, in every sense of the word. But why should I use that as a label, as a tag? I’m much more than my likeness for social interaction. I’m much more than what kind of friend I have.

I’m an introvert, that’s a chance. I want to be defined by my choices. I want to be defined by my words and I’ve to write, otherwise I’ll go insane with the storm that brews in my head. You don’t have to follow me, we’ll walk together. I won’t hide a secret from you. You can read all of it between the lines.

As an afterthought, let me say one thing, “You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become a villain. I guess it is OK to be the villain sometimes.”

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10 thoughts on “Who Am I?

  1. I, too, was an introverted perfectionist. I say “was” because I am leaving that behind. In fact, when I think of perfectionism I remember the Borg and what comes from the so-called desire for perfection. What comes is true ugliness and loss of diversity. Perhaps the Borg just enjoy killing and perfectionism is the excuse. I don’t think having perfectionist streaks means we’re killers, but it does indicate a lower tolerance for irregularity. But many beautiful things are irregular. Many functional things are irregular. And many living things are irregular. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Beautifully and honestly expressed yourself. Only human being is given the right to choose, it depends what he/she prefers to choose. Wants to go with the mob or stands alone. Being perfectionist is sometimes painful because everyone and everything else seems imperfect and one ends either cursing them or it’s own self.

    Liked by 1 person

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